We started out fat and round, just like any old cell, but then shrank ourselves down, spitting out our insides, bit by bit. At the same time, we grew these great, long tails. At first, me and every sperm I was joined with were packed tight, surrounded on all sides by other cells. By the time enough bells had been rung and we\u2019d all been blessed with tails though, we were on the border of a deep cavity, ready to be set loose into the great, wide world. But before that could happen I would have to sever ties with my brothers and sisters. Now I didn\u2019t want to be all alone like that but I hardly had much of a choice, dropped out into the murky goo where I would spend the next day or two paddling around and getting my bearings. It was a pretty boring place really and there wasn\u2019t much to see since it was so dark in dad\u2019s gonads. Pretty lonely too. I would sometimes bump into a brother here or a sister there but it wasn\u2019t the same as before. We had grown up and couldn\u2019t depend on each other like before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"Human](\"https:\/\/www.sciencesource.com\/pix\/106\/1066569_t.jpg\")
Eventually though, just before I was about to go belly up with the hum drum of it all, a great churning, and rushing started carrying me along, up through this tube, out though a spurting orifice, and into a space so vast and awe inspiring I still dream of it to this day. But there wasn\u2019t much time at all to enjoy this freedom. Ahead of me, I sensed something which compelled me forward with a determination I haven\u2019t been able to match since. It was the cure to all which ailed me, all the loneliness and boredom I\u2019d experienced since leaving the embrace of my siblings could be made right as long as I made it to that thing first. Ha! How na\u00efve. You really can\u2019t expect much wisdom of a sperm cell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So there I was, all caught up in a desperate race with a hundred million of my siblings, making a mad dash up my mother-to-be’s unmentionables. At the time I had no conception of the stakes, that continued life would only be granted to a single one of us and the rest would swim themselves to death. One in a hundred million may as well be impossible by my adult reckoning but as a sperm those odds did nothing to daunt me. Somehow, I must have been swimming at the front of our great horde, though I had no thought of my position at the time. All I knew was how that alluring sensation got stronger and stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then\u2026 Bam! I ran right into it, turned out to be an egg. I must have been the first, no other way I could be writing to you. Pretty impressive eh? First out of the hundred million sperm\u2019s 6 inch freestyle. Regardless, I could belabor all the gory details of being a fetus but, long story short, it started to get a bit stuffy in there after nine months so I stuck my head out for a breath of fresh air and found, much to my dismay, that you weren\u2019t allowed back in afterward. This would lead to a whole host of neuroses as I matured which were not helped when the doctors would recommend me to a psychiatrist after hearing this rundown. Last time this happened I recommended the doctor do much the same, seeking treatment for being a smart-ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/keet.one\/home\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/image.png\")
This is why I have come to you, Professor, all these doctors think I\u2019m a raging, ranting loon and that all the formaldehyde has done a number on my brain. How silly of them. As you can see from my letter, I am a well spoken, respectable, and productive member of society. All I need from you is a touch of academic wisdom. As an acclaimed expert in sperm would you kindly review my account and ensure that they are indeed memories of my spermhood? Any help is much appreciated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Humbly,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anthony Hook<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Professor Philip Gulliver, Let me begin with an introduction, I am a mortuary technician, age 32, and I have<\/p>\n