Epilogue
Following the untimely passing of her husband due to the car crash you surely remember being described in the prior chapter, Squishypuff had issues. Bills were coming out the wazoo from the hospital and the legal fees incurred by the lawsuit filed by Cooperono’s estate, and Squishypuff’s crippling addiction to doublestuff oreos with the double stuffing licked off. He had to acquire these from a gopher named Ezariah cuz’ you can’t just go to the store for double stuff oreos with the double stuff licked out.
Ezariah loved nothing more than licking the stuff from double stuff oreos. Sadly however this couldn’t be her only job as Squishypuff was too good at haggling the prices down so she had to find work elsewhere as well. Ezariah did so at a golf course acting as the resident nuisance. Even though this wasn’t her favorite thing to do Ezariah still strived to be the best nuisance she could. So successful was Ezariah at this endeavor she would regularly attract mobs of rich people chasing her with clubs in handand hatred in their hearts. Though this was disturbing she was given solace in the knowledge that this meant she was among the best in her field. Craigory the mole-rat never had mobs of richies after him and that was just because he is a bad nuisance, she would tell herself.
And it was on a hot golf heavy afternoon, not too long ago, that another mob of riches, headed this time by Ringo Crifelhump, came tearing after ole’ Ezariah. It is true that all these folks had a club in their hands and a hate in their hearts but Ringo had the biggest club and the biggest hate. His hate was so big because he had run into Ezariah before and he knew that she was the biggest nuisance in town. So he went charging in, swinging his club and screaming at the top of his lungs (so loud that it even deafened the other riches). But when Ezariah dove back into her hole (as she always did) followed by the mob’s traditional uncontrolled screaming and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments and pulling of hair Ringo said in a hoarse voice that’s the thing about a nuisance, the bigger they are the more they’re hated.
Though every mobster nodded in agreement the hardest nod of all came from Salazar Bimshackle who knew what it was like to be a nuisance. Before he had become a C-level ghostbuster Salazar wanted nothing more than to be the greatest nuisance the world had ever seen. He never got there. He was just a bad nuisance. This of course only added to his hatred of Ezariah since he was terribly jealous. Even with this addition however his hatred couldn’t match Ringo’s and he knew it. Salazar had tried so many things in his life yet he was never the best, always outshone by someone else. In nuisancery it was Ezariah, in hatred it was Ringo. There was only one thing that none could hold a candle to Salazar in and that was jealousy. If he ever realized this however he would lose that spark of envy bolstered as it was by perceived inferiority. But for the moment, even if he didn’t know it, Salazar had achieved his life goal: to be exceptional.